The Anxiety List

Presenting: A by-no-means-comprehensive list of things I do/have done to assuage my anxiety. Maybe it’ll provide ideas for you, although they aren’t all good. Maybe it’ll serve as a point of solidarity.

Is this hashtag relatable? Is this good #content? Is this what you want? Anyway, the list.

  • Tidy, rearrange, sweep, or otherwise ‘improve’ the space I’m in, usually my bedroom/office.
  • Spin in my desk chair for just. Minutes at a time. Just spinning.
  • Lie down on the floor.


  • Go for a walk, ostensibly to nowhere in particular but ultimately to a coffee shop I particularly hate.
  • Go to the coffee shop I particularly hate and let the noise, terrible coffee, employee apathy, and customer rudeness pull me out of my head and into the present moment.
  • Cook something I can share with someone else, thereby both eliminating the likelihood that I will avoid food on account of my anxiety and assuaging my anxious desire to do things for people.
  • Fall dramatically to the floor (more difficult, less satisfying now that my desk has a chair).


  • Go to the bookstore and buy absolutely nothing.
  • Go back to the bookstore after hours of consideration and buy a single thing.
  • Gently mist my assorted desert plants.
  • Bother my dog.
  • Watch the peerless modern classic Fateful Findings, which you can and should watch on Amazon Prime.
  • Microwave my hotpack and just sort of bury my face in it.
  • Just go get a beer, you know.
  • Play Prop Hunt and be a total shitheel.
  • Go for a walk, run, jog, or hike til I’m really really tired.
  • Listen to tokusatsu or super robot themes for about an hour, sometimes 1-3 songs on indefinite repeat.
  • Make inane posts on Twitter.
  • Scroll through my Instagram feed.
  • Make an Instagram post about whatever I’m doing, providing a nice little anchor in the present moment and outside my head.
  • Eat cup noodle. Bonus soul satiation points if it’s Maruchan Roasted Chicken Instant Lunch or Nong Shim Shin Cup.
  • Go to the park with a friend and throw a medicine ball around. I promise we do not have handlebar mustaches.
  • Queue up an entire YouTube playlist of kaiju battles.
  • Call a friend and spend upwards of an hour mutually complaining.
  • Aggravate my friend Goose on LINE.
  • Retract my head into my hooded sweatshirt and pull the drawstring all the way closed, like I’m loose change or your lunch or whatever.
  • Walk all the way up to the top of a goddamn mountain, far away from my imaginary problems.